I’m sitting in the airport waiting for a flight to Mayo Clinic to see a specialist who can hopefully help me. Actually, I’m hoping this appointment changes my life to be perfectly honest…but no pressure. It’s taken a lot to get here, including second guessing if I should be going to Mayo at all. I say that, not because Mayo isn’t the right place to go; there’s probably no better place for me to go. Rather, I say that because I worry that I don’t appear sick enough for their preconceived notions of what being sick looks like. I worry that because I’m still able to work, albeit from home, that I’m not deemed worthy of the help that one would get from a specialist at Mayo. As an article I read once stated, I’m “too sick to be healthy, too functional to be sick.”
Our society has this strange idea that people need to be completely incapacitated and look as such before they are deserving of medical care, but even with care that they should not expect to live “normal” lives. By “normal,” I mean able to do very typical, even if unexciting things. For example, I’d love to be able to commute to work without the fear that my body will give out while I’m behind the wheel. Or go grocery shopping so my wife doesn’t have to. Or be somewhere it’s hot without my body going completely haywire. Not asking a whole lot here. “Normal” is not asking much. If I’m really stretching it, I’d love to be able to do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu again, but at this point I’ll settle for just being able to make it through this flight without feeling like death warmed over. Again, not asking for much here.
That’s why I’m going to this appointment…because even though I’m not laid up in a bed unable to move, though some days I should be, I am a person deserving of “normal.” I am worthy of help that will allow me to function to the best of my ability, even if I do not fit in the box that “sick” people fit in. We are all worthy.
Boarding my flight now. Fingers crossed. Will report back soon. Cheers.